Tainted Love
by sik chix
Summary: Even the strongest person has dark moments.


Tainted Love 

_Disclaimer: Don't own them. It's funny if you think I do._

_A/N: Just a lil romance scene. I was inspired by Rach's poem. Which is very good. I might even crank my own out one-day. Don't hold your breath. Btw, this could be Rocky or Shocky. Whatever; take your pick. Very angsty, too. Just warning you, oki?_

She stared out the window, unseeing and lost in thought. Why? Why did she have to fall in love with _him_, of all people? How could this happen? She had been careful not to let anyone get close. The only one she had let get close was the one she was in love with now. How? Why? She had promised herself that she would never let anyone control her. But he had her helpless. He took over her mind and her body. All he had to do was look at her and she was his. No! Never! Tears threatened to fall. She knew it was true. And she couldn't do a damn thing. The despair was eating at her. She didn't know what to do.

Warm, strong arms embraced her from behind. She tensed. She couldn't keep doing this. She was getting in over her head. They shouldn't be doing this. Soft lips graced her neck and she squeezed her eyes closed, trying not give in to the voice in her head that was telling her submit to him. Gentle hands slid all over her body; she gasped. It was getting too much. They travelled upwards to caress her breasts and she almost collapsed on the floor. If it weren't for the grip he had on her, she would have. When did he receive the power over her that he had? Her body only responded to him. No one else. 

She knew then that she was lost, never to return. He was what made her hold on, but without him she wouldn't be able to keep going. She cared too deeply for him, no matter what she claimed or tried to tell herself. He always knew what she wanted, as if he could read her mind. He knew how to take care of her, in every conceivable way. But this had to be wrong. There couldn't possibly be a way for this to be right, could there? No matter how he made her feel.

She was so confused. As he stroked and caressed her, she got worse. She didn't know what to think. It didn't make any sense. How had this one person gotten past all her defences and made her feel this way? She was so used to shutting people out before they got too close that she didn't know how to handle this. She would find out later that, that was the reason she was trapped now. 

She kept staring out the window as he touched her. His touch went right down to her soul. A lone tear ran down her face. Why? That one thought was consuming her. She loved him so much it hurt. She was ensnared in a spider's web, and despite all of her struggling to break free, she was still trapped and she would remain there for eternity. There was no escape. She was unable to break free of something that was doomed from the beginning.

She wondered if he felt like this. Probably not. He loved her, she knew, he told her often, but for him this was the best thing to happen to him. Pain stabbed her in the stomach. It almost ripped her apart. She had to lean back against him. He deserved better. He deserved someone who didn't have this inability to deal with emotions. The tears were threatening to fall, still.

_What am I going to do?_ She was sick of feeling so numb. So out of touch with her feelings. She wanted to scream and cry and give herself completely to someone, to him. She didn't know how. Being with him only made it worse. He did everything she wanted to. She envied him. It hurt so much but she couldn't say a thing. She hid her emotions. No body ever knew what she feeling. She always appeared indifferent. Only he knew.

She allowed him to lay her down on the bed. She was unresisting as he climbed on top of her, his weight pressing her into the bed but not crushing her. She stared up at the ceiling while he kept caressing her body. Another tear rolled down her face when he undid the first button on her dress. He stoped, catching sight of it. He drew back to look at her face and noticed how far away she looked, still staring at the ceiling. He lifted a hand up to her check and wiped the tear away. She drew in a sharp breath and closed her eyes at his soft touch. The sensitive touch brought her to her knees. She wasn't used to gentle touches. There was no restraining the tears now. They poured down her cheeks. He rolled off her, sat up on the bed and gathered her to him. She straddled his lap and clung to him, like she never wanted to let him go. Something had snapped inside her. He held her tightly, trying to comfort but letting her cry. She had to get it out of her system.

Her face was buried in his chest and his chin was resting on the top of her head. They sat like that for a long time, as she finally poured out everything she had kept bottled up inside. His heart was breaking at the site of her sobbing into him.

_What am I doing? I'm being weak. I hate him for reducing me to this. I hope he never let's go of me. I wish we could just stay like this forever. _Contradictory thoughts were running through her head and she was unable to stop the tears. Gradually, she calmed down and the tears stopped flowing. She relaxed into his embrace. Soon, she was lying quietly and almost still. His arms were wrapped around her and for the first time ever she felt safe and content. There was no reason to fear feeling like this. The realisation struck. She was afraid of letting herself show, fearing that he would leave because of it. That the emotion would drive him away. She cut herself off from people and feelings because she was scared that they would abandon her. It all came down to fear. All she wanted was someone she could turn to in her darkest moments.

She felt him lift her chin up. She looked into his eyes for the first time. She had avoided it before, for fear of seeing the truth and getting to attached to something. Slowly, they drew closer together and their lips met. The kiss was soft and sweet. It erased all the hurt and felt like a new beginning. They were starting over. All her previous thoughts suddenly didn't matter as she gave herself over to him completely. The despair was chased away with hope and the sadness with the knowledge that he would always be there for her. Even through the darkest times.

She felt so tired, now. She was exhausted. He laid her down on the bed beside him. He knew her so well. He knew what she needed. He always had. That wasn't as bad as she had thought. She closed her eyes revelling in the closeness. She had been lacking this intimacy all her life. He had been the only one who had shown it to her. Self-absorbed parents had been too wrapped up in themselves to show a small child love and intimacy. She nuzzled her face against his, trying to get as close as possible. These feelings were still new to her, but he would help her. She had no doubt about it.

Still wrapped in each other's tight embrace and they drifted off to sleep. Maybe being in love wasn't a horrible thing. Maybe being with her brother wasn't such a bad thing either.

_Fin_

_A/N: Damn, this fic was exhausting to write! Never again. No more angst. No… It ended up somewhere completely different than where it started. But anyway, dedicated to Rach (Rah) and Hannah (Sparkle), who give me endless amounts of inspiration in the form of wonderful stories and who are really cool. Ooh, and to Mim (Im) for her Goth angst that helped shape this thing. Luv ya!_


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